Catfish Plays Cupid
by Happy Jinxmas
Summary: "Don't starve your heart, child! Let me take you to him." The catfish smiled widely. Katarina frowned, then sighed. "I don't know what you're talking about, but take me anywhere but here." Late Valentine's Day one shot!


_Just a small valentine one shot. A little late, but better than never!_

 **Catfish Plays Cupid**

Katarina hated Valentine's Day.

But today she didn't care that it was Valentine's Day, she was just furious with her brother, Talon, and her sister, Cassiopeia. Every once in awhile she and her siblings would have a little spat that quickly faded. They usually had more important things to do.

But today was their day off, and the night before the three siblings had gotten into a heated argument. It was something about Demacia, Katarina didn't really remember. She didn't waste her time remembering these things.

Talon had stormed off, muttering something about having someone else to talk to that was much more tolerable than his annoying sisters.

Cass had simply slithered off, probably going to her room to examine herself in the mirror and find any horrifying flaws on her smooth face.

Katarina, of course, with her short temper, had continuously thrown her knives at her bedroom wall. She didn't really care about the damage done to her room. It wasn't hers, anyway. It was just a room she stayed in at the Institute. The Summoners would take care of the holes in the walls.

The redhead's heated temper still hadn't worn off. She stormed furiously through the halls, shooting glares at the champions and Summoners that glanced curiously at her.

Katarina ripped open her sister's door, nearly breaking the sturdy wooden structure. "Cass! Have you seen Ta-"

The half reptilian temptress held up a freshly manicured finger. "Ah, ah, I'm going out on a date, Kat. It's Valentine's Day, remember? Go find a man today, Kat, we can continue our argument later. Preferably never."

Katarina's lip curled and she slammed the door shut. Her eye twitched when she saw Luxanna Crownguard strolling through the hallways, giggling as she held a bouquet of deep red roses that looked suspiciously like Noxian reds. Not many flowers grew in Noxus, but when they did, they were often beautiful and dark red, just like the roses that the stupid blonde was holding.

Frowning, the redhead cautiously followed the lovestruck Demacian down the hallway, careful to stay out of sight. Not that the blonde would see her anyway. She was too busy smelling those roses.

Lux turned the corner, and her eyes lit up. She took off running, and Katarina rushed to see whatever had caused the blonde to smile.

Katarina's jaw dropped as she saw the hand of Noxus standing before Lux, with a soft look on his face. The redhead strained to hear what the blonde was saying.

"Darius, thank you for those roses…"

The man glanced away. "Didn't take you that long to find out who gave those to you."

Lux giggled. "These flowers look like they're from a certain Noxian. Only you would manage to crush the stems."

Darius's cheeks heated. Lux smiled widely and grabbed the Noxian's hand. "Would you like to go to the Heartseeker's dance with me later tonight?" she asked sweetly.

Darius kissed the blonde's forehead as they walked off. "I don't have anything better to do."

Katarina huffed as she turned away. Stupid Valentine's Day. Even Darius was getting all mushy. She took deep breaths and attempted to calm down, walking down hallways, avoiding other champions.

She reached the cafe and glanced around, realizing that most of the seats were filled by other couples. Sliding into a chair that wasn't occupied, Katarina took a slow, long glance around her surroundings.

The room was decorated with cheesy pink and red hearts, with streamers to top it off. Multiple couples were having coffee together. Katarina recognized Queen Ashe of the Freljord, enjoying an ice cold coffee with her husband, Tryndamere.

The champions that were given heartseeker skins were the ones serving coffee. Katarina snickered when she saw Varus in his pink glory, but rolled her eyes when she saw that he was having a rather pleasant conversation with Diana.

Katarina was so lost in thought she barely noticed a large man-well, rather, catfish, slide into the seat across from her.

"What do you want, Kench?" she asked, annoyed.

The catfish merely smiled. "I see you lookin' at those in love."

"They're gross," the redhead said petulantly, not caring if she sounded like a child. "It's just another day, I don't get why Valentine's Day even exists."

The catfish smiled widely. "Don't starve your heart, child! Let me deliver you to him."

Katarina frowned, then sighed. "I don't know what you're talking about, but take me anywhere but here."

Tahm opened his mouth, exposing a huge cavern that was dripping with water. Katarina swallowed but stepped in and allowed herself to be engulfed by the gross, wet sensation that was Tahm Kench's mouth.

…

Katarina grimaced as she was spit out by the catfish. "We're here," he said. "Go find your lover. You'll thank me one day, child."

The redhead looked up, spotting a familiar city. "Demacia? You took me to Demacia, you dumb fish-"

Tahm was gone. Katarina groaned. Glancing around, she realized that Tahm had disappeared by swimming off in the river beside her.

"That fish's mouth is disgusting," Katarina grumbled, poking at her saliva-covered clothes. She began to strip off her clothes, washing the sticky leather in the rushing water that looked relatively clean.

Tahm's saliva had soaked through all her clothes, much the the redhead's dismay. After making sure nobody was around, Katarina peeled off the last of her clothes, save her underwear. She didn't want anybody to accidently stroll in on a naked woman.

Scrubbing furiously at her clothes, Katarina allowed herself to drift into her thoughts.

" _Don't starve your heart, child! Let me take you to him."_

Who was him? Katarina sighed. Tahm had taken her to Demacia. The only people she knew from Demacia were Luxanna Crownguard, Jarvan IV, Shyvana, and Garen Crownguard.

Oh, no.

Garen. The damned catfish had meant to take her to Garen Crownguard, the only man she hadn't been able to kill successfully.

"Damn that man," Katarina grumbled. She'd fought him multiple times, but she had never managed to stop his heart.

Garen Crownguard, aged 25, like her.

He was the captain of the Vanguard, and was Jarvan IV's best friend and protecter. He had brown hair that knew no bounds, no matter how hard he tried to tame it.

He had blue eyes that sparkled when he laughed. They grew duller and took on a slightly brownish tint when he was fighting.

He stood at a towering height of six foot four, the same height as Darius. Katarina was five foot seven, a full nine inches shorter than him. She secretly enjoyed being so much shorter than her rival. She didn't know why.

He had a rather attractive body and face, unfortunately, so Katarina couldn't help but notice all the nice, strong features he had.

Katarina snapped out of her thoughts as leaves rustled and footsteps crushed sticks underfoot. A deep voice sounded, "Who's there?"

Katarina swallowed. She knew that voice. Maybe if she was quiet he'd leave.

No such luck. The leaves parted in a nearby bush, and out stepped Garen Crownguard, in all his glory. Notice the sarcasm.

The poor Demacian got an eyeful of Katarina as she hugged her stomach, blushing. Garen was a decent man, and seeing a mostly naked, attractive woman caused blood to rush to his face as he let out a yelp and turned the other way. "Kat-Katarina?"

"Cut the crap, Crownguard, it's not like I'm nude," Katarina sighed, flattening her clothes out over a rock to dry. "If you're wondering why I'm here, Tahm ate me and dropped me off here. My clothes are all sticky from his saliva."

"O-oh." The Demacian still did not turn around. Katarina raised an eyebrow. "Never seen a woman indecent, Crownguard?"

The man's voice turned an octave higher. "No."

"Well, if it makes you that uncomfortable, give me your scarf." The redhead stretched out her hand.

Garen hesitated before unwrapping his blue scarf that he never really took off. Katarina expertly wrapped the huge scarf around herself. "Better?"

Garen slowly turned and nodded, his face still red. "Well," he said awkwardly, "I should take you back to the Institute."

Katarina rolled her eyes and grabbed her still-wet clothes. "I'm perfectly capable of getting back by myself."

"Do you even know where you are?" Garen retorted. Katarina sighed. "Fine, take me back. You don't have anything better to do?"

Garen shrugged. "I came here to run away from my mother trying to match me with other women that she thought would benefit the Crownguard name. To be honest they're all just spoiled, pesky brats."

Katarina chuckled. "Guess I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with that."

Garen ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah. Let's get going."

…

Katarina enjoyed talking to Garen a lot more than she should have. As they neared the Institute, Garen was becoming more and more talkative, almost as if he was nervous.

Katarina didn't think much about it. He was probably just nervous to be seen around with a Noxian. The redhead, plainly, didn't give a shit. If Darius was with Lux, what was the worst that could happen?

"This is my room," Katarina stopped at her door, glancing at Garen. "Thanks," she added, pulling off his large scarf and handing it to him. Garen scratched the back of his neck, accepting the scarf. "Kat," he started, "I know you don't like Valentine's Day, or the Heartseeker's dance, but...would you like to go with me? To the dance, later tonight?" He seemed sheepish, his eyes darting around.

Katarina sighed. She didn't know what it was about this man, that made her go against all the rules she had. "Alright, fine," she relented. "Meet me here at eight and we can go together."

Garen grinned and her heart skipped slightly. "Now get out of here," she laughed, gently shoving the Demacian away.

Garen obliged, but not before leaning down to kiss her cheek. Then he fled, too embarrassed to see her reaction.

Katarina sighed, touched her cheek, and slid into her room.

…

Cassiopeia was thrilled that her sister was going to the dance-she couldn't care less that it was a Demacian. "You are going to look beautiful tonight," Cass said excitedly. She grabbed Katarina by the shoulders and dragged her in front of the mirror. "I'm going to turn you into a goddess."

Katarina rolled her eyes but let a small smile rest on her face as her sister continued to babble on about how amazing the dance was going to be.

"Hey, Kat," Cassiopeia said suddenly, "Why did you say yes?"

Katarina cocked her head. "To Garen?"

Cass nodded. Katarina sighed and shook her head. "To be honest, I have no idea. He's my sworn enemy, but...I've realized something."

Her sister stroked her red hair. "What?"

"It's not that I can't kill Garen Crownguard...I _won't_ kill him." Katarina shut her eyes and relaxed her shoulders. "There's something about that stupid hulk. I won't kill him."

Cassiopeia smiled. "My big sister is in love," she teased. "Close your eyes," she ordered, curling Katarina's lashes. Katarina flinched. "No, I'm not in love."

"Don't deny it," the serpentress sighed, "You're finished."

Katarina opened her eyes and blinked. Her sister had put on a lot less makeup than she had expected. The only things Cass had done was accent her eyes with thick black cat eyes and reddish eyeshadow. Her lips were coated with bright red lipstick.

"I was thinking that I could curl your hair near the bottom," Cassiopeia mused. She grabbed her curling iron and plugged it into the wall. "That would complete it. And I also have this beautiful dress."

"You can't even wear dresses," Katarina said, bewildered. "Why do you even have any?"

Cassiopeia crossed her arms. "I haven't always had a tail."

Katarina rolled her eyes. "Alright, fair enough." Cassiopeia carefully began curling her sister's hair loosely, arranging them like flowers in a bouquet. "I've always been kind of jealous of your hair," Cass admitted. "It stands out, and is so soft to touch. My hair was never really anything to talk about."

"And I thought you always believed you were the prettiest sister, hair and all," Katarina snorted. Cass sighed. "I don't always tell the truth."

Finishing the last curl, Cass slithered over to her closet, murmuring, "I'm going to be slightly pissed if you look better than I did in this."

Katarina rolled her eyes. "Trust me, you're too vain to admit it."

"You're a shitty sister," Cass retorted. Katarina sighed. "We didn't exactly have a model family life."

Cassiopeia pulled out a small, long dark red dress that shimmered in the light. It looked fragile and glossy, but when Kat pulled on it, the dress seemed stable. "Alright, let's try it on...I guess."

Katarina hadn't worn a dress since she was younger and had to go to those stupid balls that were required, since she was a "noble" from Noxus.

Cassiopeia carefully helped her sister out of her clothes and into the slim dress. "I really hate your hair right now," the serpentress mused. "It helps you look _very_ flattering in this dress. Take a look in the mirror."

Katarina stepped in front of the mirror and cocked her head. Her loosely curled hair somehow contrasted with the strapless red dress, which hugged her body in all the right places, flaring out at the bottom, dragging on the floor by a few inches. The dress was several shades darker than her hair, giving her red locks a glow ever so slightly.

Katarina spun around and watched the bottom of her dress flare out. "Now, all you need are shoes," Cass said, rummaging through her closet. "I'm pretty sure I have heels somewhere…"

Katarina paused. "Can you give me a pair of flats?" She couldn't help but remember that she liked her normal height next to Garen's.

Cassiopeia frowned. "You do realize your date is more than a half a foot taller than you, right?"

"Exactly," the redhead said, confusing her sister even more. Nonetheless, Cass pulled out a pair of black flats, tossing them at Katarina. She caught them with ease and slipped into them. They were a bit snug, but not too tight.

Cassiopeia nodded, examining her sister. "Not too shabby."

Katarina glanced at the clock. Seven forty five. "I should get back to my room," she said, making her way towards the door. She opened it and paused, then ran back to her sister and gave her a hug. "Thanks," she whispered before hurrying out the door, not waiting to see Cass's reaction.

…

A knock sounded at the door at precisely eight.

Katarina smoothed out her dress and opened the door, looking upwards to see Garen's face. "Hey handsome," she laughed, seeing him awkwardly fix his blue tie. He was wearing a typical suit, but Katarina thought he looked rather nice.

"You- look gorgeous," Garen mumbled. Katarina smiled. "That's my job. Now, let's go." She took Garen's extended elbow and began to walk with him down the hallway.

The couple didn't know exactly where the dance was taking place, but they didn't need to. Pink, red, and purple streamers littered the floor. Hearts were hanging from the ceiling, leading them to a large, oak door.

Garen pushed it open and music blasted from inside.

Everything was pink. Couples were everywhere.

"There's so much pink," Katarina moaned. Garen chuckled. "Your hair is red. It shouldn't be too bad."

Katarina huffed. "Okay, my hair is a darker red, not like this ridiculous cotton candy pink."

Sona, in her Heartseekers costume that the Summoners had given her, plucked a few gentle notes on her Etwahl.

"She's saying welcome to the Heartseeker's Dance. She's never seen redhead over here at the dance before. Or hulky Demacia, either," a loud voice surprised Katarina and Garen.

Jinx stood by Sona, leaning casually against the wall. Katarina frowned. "Aren't you banned from the dance?"

Katarina vaguely remembered that Jinx had once come to the dance and blown it up. Literally. The entire building had been demolished, with big letters written in the wreckage, with pink frosting, _JINXED._

Jinx sighed. "Ekko made me promise not to blow anything up. Not even a little bit. So they let me come. Speaking of which, where is he?" Jinx sprinted off in search of her timewinding boyfriend.

"She's going to end up blowing _something_ up," Katarina mumbled. Garen laughed. "Well, while the place is still intact, would you care for a dance?"

Katarina smiled. "It's what I came here for, isn't it?"

The Demacian led her to the dance floor, which was crowded with other couples already. Wukong and Ahri were making out near the edge of the dance floor, which was very disturbing to see.

A slow song began, and Katarina rested her hand on her partner's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her waist. Swaying back and forth, Katarina closed her eyes and allowed herself to just feel how happy she really was, feeling Garen's warm bulk against her slim figure.

"Katarina," Garen whispered.

He leaned down until his mouth was level with her ear. A pretty far bend for his back. His rough voice sent shivers down her back.

"I really, really want to kiss you right now."

Katarina shifted and ran her fingers down his cheek, turning his head. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against his.

Garen pulled himself to his full height, taking Katarina with him, an arm wrapped around her waist. Katarina's feet dangled in the air as she wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Her toes curled and she realized that she really did love being nine inches shorter.

She didn't even notice when an explosion shattered part of the room, Jinx running away with Ekko chasing her, voicing threats of how he wasn't going to kiss her for the next week.

Valentine's Day wasn't that bad, after all.

 _Kat/Garen, Darius/Lux, a dash of Jinx/Ekko, and some sister bonding between the Du Couteau sisters. Talon was probably off doing something with Quinn : ^). I think this one shot was pretty lit. :)_


End file.
